Time to write a blog

As I write this, I’m just going to assume you know me, and if you don’t you’ll get to know me better through this

I’ve decided its time to write a blog. Its time to get my thoughts out there. I only really give my deepest thoughts to people I know and love, people who understand me, who usually agree with my views on the world. Who  wont try to lecture me, or talk at me with an agenda, but actually help me, give me constructive criticism, and sometimes, just plain listen. Thats usually what you do when your an introvert, its very hard for us to put ourselves out there, there’s fear of being hurt, and misunderstood, and its parylizing, atleast for me. But you still need to get all these thoughts and creativity out of you, so you only pick a select few to really talk to, but its just not enough for me anymore. These days, those people have become fewer and fewer. Although I’m afraid to check the comments on my blog, in the fear of being judged, and getting into long, heated debates with people, I just really need to know that people are hearing me, so that I don’t waste all these important thoughts, and leave them unwritten

This has come about, because I am an artist, struggling for inspiration, and its gotten to the point, where I feel like writing is the fastest way to get an art form out of me. I love visual art, I am a visual artist, its the language I want to speak in through out my life. But words are powerful as well, and in my situation, its the fastes, cheapest way to express myself. Instead of struggling to put an image together, and then it never getting finished because of my inability or laziness to do it, I can just write out my thoughts, in the moment, briefly edit it, and throw it out there.

So let me be super honest, and tell you some things about myself, that I do not like, and the purpose of me writing this first post. I’m about to be 23 years old, and I still don’t know how to drive a car, I went to community college for 2 years and left before I got a degree or transferred to a new school. I don’t know what it means to be independent, because I’m still at home, living off my parents. I would consider myself somewhat lazy, a procrastinator. Although I have a job, its only part time, I’ve been at the same place for 6 years, making a little over minimum wage, getting what feels like the smallest increases possible. Its become a routine for me, some days I’m ok with it, others I want to quit, but fear if I leave, I might find something worse. In my case, I really need to do a creative, or else I end up becoming miserable, Manual labor does that to me 90% of the time, the paycheck is the only thing that makes it worth it.

Now sometimes I wrestle with this, do I feel bad about all that, because I’m disappointed with myself? Or do i feel bad, because society wants me to? Well, I’ve come to the conclusion, that its a little bit of both. I regret not learning to drive sooner. My excuses? Not wanting to fail the permit test and pay more money to take it over and over, but not having the discipline to study for it. Not needing it a whole lot because I walk to work and church. Not being able to afford the gass or insurance one one anyways, even if I knew how to drive. Despite all that, I regret not doing it sooner more than anything in my life, its made me feel less like a young adult, and more like a teenager.

I also hate how much I can procrastinate, and give in to frustration and laziness too soon. The only excuse I have for that is that I’m infinietly curious about everything, and the internet is like having the world’s biggest library right at your finger tips, I get distracted by it easily.

But on the college degree and job issue, I feel more like a victim, and here’s why.

For anyone who’s paying attention…….I don’t even know how to say it, The magnitude of it is just tremendous. The best way I cant think to say it, is this, the American dream is falling apart. Its being stolen from us. Some of us recognize it, most of us don’t. The dwindling prosperity left over from previous generations is an illusion. The tool we use to hold together a relatively safe civilization has already cracked, its just being kept from falling and shattering by the very people who cracked it themselves. I’m talking about the US economy, I’m talking about the dollar. The endless printing of it by the federal reserve has made it close to worthless, it is destroying it little by little. It is stealing its value, which in turn steals money from our pockets, without having to reach in our pockets. And yet, inflation is the very thing keeping it alive, like a breathing machine that makes the patient worse. Like a drug that keeps an addict from withdrawal, but caused that situation in the first place.

And if you know how to do logic, you know this, almost everything depends on money. Its an amoral tool, that we could use for evil, or for good. We’ve been using it for survival, a better way to trade and do commerce. So lets look at how that effect jobs, now I’m no economist, so I cant properly explain all the technicalities of it, but if business have less money, they cant afford a lot workers, and they cant afford to pay them larger amounts of money. Less money, means less jobs, not hard to figure out. In the same way, less value in the dollar, more dollars needed to buy things, so the cost of EVERYTHING goes up, and you have less money to buy goods. Bringing the country into poverty in slow motion

Where does this lead? Less jobs, with more people unemployed than ever before. The people who do have jobs, get paid less and less, with less benefits. Then the cost of everything goes up, so the little money they do have, they use up on what they need to survival. Less money to save, less money to invest in dreams and ambitions, and for many people, its living paycheck to paycheck. 

And then there’s college, without getting too deep into the big business, government ruined scam college has become, without getting into the overwhelming, impossible to pay off debt you accumulate, without going into the bad quality of education some colleges can have, If a degree, is supposed to heighten your chances of getting a job, if not virtually guarantee a job in your field of choice, one that pays more money than without a degree, then why in the world do I need it, if the jobs are becoming less and less, and the money is becoming less and less?

If you didn’t know all that, your not living it, if your living it, you dont know how much its been planned, but thats another whole blog post in itself. Why do I keep at my part time job and not look for a full time one? Why did I quite college without a degree? You can say I’m lazy, you can say I’m spoiled living at home, you can say I’m cynical, negative, not trying hard enough, or, you could say, taking reality into account, that you can ATLEAST, understand why I’m not motivated to do either.

Don’t worry, I have problems that are all on me, I’m having trouble knowing witch art form to work in, I struggle with what I want to do, because ideas and projects I feel would make even just the smallest amount of money for me, I’m not that excited to do, and I dont expect them to make money. With people barely getting by, I don’t expect them to pay lots of money for my paintings or drawings, they need that money for food and bills. So I feel unmotivated to do art I feel I have to make, in order to make money, but I feel bad for doing art I WANT to do, because I’m not doing it to make money. Very rarely do the two coincide. Knowing society is going off the the cliff like this, I also don’t feel motivated to start long term projects. I would really like school to be affordable, because then I would get multiple degrees, in film, animation, and illustration. I love learning, and do tons of it on my own with the the internet, which sometimes has more valuable info on it than a 500 dollar college course does. But the environment of the country right now, just hinders me. Its easy to say “dont let them win Rayce, rise above it” but its very hard to do, at least for me. I never stop creating, its what God put me hear to do, but I can never feel like it will bring me prosperity, or change my situation. I’d be shocked it it does 

 SIGH….venting through writing, haven’t done this in a long time. Not only is this therapeutic for me, but I also want to use it as a protest against the financial and political powers who are causing these problems. To get what I’m talking about, it would require tons of research, and understanding very complex systems and methods they use to destroy society. It would require you excepting the socially unacceptable concept of conspiracy theories, which if you seek out the truth, you will find out are conpiracy facts.

Hopefully my blog posts will make people more aware of these issues, to better under stand the hard times where in now and the hard times ahead. And even if its too late to change it, it doesn’t hurt to try, and feels better than doing nothing.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for doing so. If you want to know more about me and my art, you can follow these links, as well as see some of the political cartoons I posted on this blog a while ago, but am now using for writing

http://raycecreates.tumblr.com/archive

I also record hip hop music with friends, very proud of this album

http://revelayce.bandcamp.com/